Experimenting in Nostalgia #1

Here are some excerpts from my journal this year, a bit random but it may be interesting. Or maybe not.

[sunday 7 sept 08]

THE CANAAN CURSE STRIKES AGAIN (oh, poor people like me!). How? Why? What? I really think I'm asking for it somehow.
And then there's the nice things they do for you: drive you home, buy you ice cream...maybe it's b/c dates don't exist en France.
I'm glad Dad will be here this weekend (why? so I'll get a break from my new French friends? Ha) but...yeah. It's intense!
And is it possible to really be friends?
I HATE letting people down . . . I'm not ruling it out but I need time.
Sheesh.
This is all happening so FAST. And I really want to keep them as friends!
I need Zoe. Or Mom. Or Liz.
Dammit! I think it'll be OK though. Since "mon amitié t'es acquise."*
Please please be cool.
I hope my answer was good and not genre "I've dated people uglier than you"** -- not one of my finer moments. On peut toujours espérer. Bonne nuit

*"You have acquired my friendship."
**Yes, I did actually say this to someone. But I later found that they deserved it.

[saturday 22 nov 08]

(à la Boîte à Sardines, blindée)

It's been way too long. Bad girl. You're supposed to keep up on these things when you have the time & you're in a frickin' foreign country.
Pretty cool being alone in a bar on a Saturday night...surrounded by boys drinking fancy, sugar-rimmed, glow-stick-porting cocktails.
Off to Rym's crémaillère in about an hour. Until then I guess I'll do my thing here...at least I'm not drinking in the street w/ my dog.
I currently seem to be enjoying two groups of people: Rym's, et Didier's. The problem is not grave but Rym's = awfully young peeps & Didier's, well there's Didier . . . And then there's Caitlin, my new tarot-toting, redhead American wonder. I'm so glad I met her. And then there's her colocs : Dimitri, Manu, Clément et Romain.
How is it possible to know so many boys and not LIKE* any of them?
Plus my thoughts are often ailleurs, and this is something I need to régler. Esp. when Mikey sends me e-mails asking for "romantic french quotes"...and then there's ####**...and the non-existent ###**. It's hard not to hold a small candle when I know I'm going back...and this is going so fast...

But NON. Je suis ici, et ici je reste. J'attends mon prince charmant!

*Here I mean LIKE LIKE, just FYI.
**Names of American boys changed to protect the innocent.

[dreams]

15 dec : (text missing) . . . this is after I kissed him and he hesitated but then kissed me back, looked me square in the eyes and said, "You're never going to get any love from me."

19 jan : I dreamed I finally shaved my legs but I accidentally only did one.

25 jan : I dreamt that someone(?) was killing cats/spiders in my room by pinching their heads off with tissues. That I kept missing trains. That tons of people were taking showers and there was not hot water left.

[friday 20 march 09]

(does embarrassed come from bare-assed?)

Tonight a perfect couple made me not want to get married. But the mari told me I was "jolie comme un cœur"

[saturday 2 may 09]

Wow, sorry I've been so boring lately?* I mean ! Why does my brain fart like that?
I should remember: drinking is twofold bad: 1st) calories in drinks and 2nd) eating sticks of butter w/ crackers at 2am and waking up to a pile of crumbs under your chair.
( . . . )
I just had an idea (not sure if it's a good one) to put parts of my journal on my blog. Hm.

Obviously not this page.
(arrow pointing to previous page.)

So Zoe's** coming to Grenoble and I'm beside myself. I wonder what she'll like and what she'll be like.
I can't see her at a party like tonight.

Hope I can sleep despite coffee.

*I wrote a bunch of entries about what I was eating in a vain attempt to lose a few pounds.
**My super-awesome, unbelievably cool sister who has been spending the last year in India and Uganda.

Well, I hope that wasn't a totally failed experiment. I haven't written much this year, but it was fun looking back on how my year here has evolved. At home I have about twenty journals, mostly from high school, and while writing in a journal is very different from writing a blog, the two do seem to overlap sometimes and I think it's nice to be able to share a little bit of so much writing...plus it was an easy way to think of an entry topic and I needed one! Ha.

Off to see if I can sleep despite the coffee...