Recipe n°20: Bittersweet Symphony, that's life

10 parts nostalgia
5 parts yearning
5 parts mal du pays
5 parts indecision
10 parts reality
a splash of eau de rose

Shake all ingredients in a tumbler, mixing thoroughly. Strain into a martini glass and sip slowly, savouring the bittersweet aftertaste of the nostalgia, letting the reality sink in slowly...


Two months later, I'm resurfacing.

In France for the summer, for the first time. It started earlier than it does in Boston, and it's light out until 10pm. There are palm trees in the street and I sleep with my (un-screened) windows wide open, letting the cool breeze (and the mosquitoes) tickle my feet.

After almost a year of fairly mundane daily life, interspersed with some amazing trips, restaurants, and visits, I found myself these last few months busier than I've been all year. Working for an abroad program is a unique job, as there are weeks when almost nothing happens and then at any time an issue can arise: a broken arm, a 1am phone call due to over-booked hotels, sudden tears brought on by the undermining stress of living in a foreign country. And while it's helped me learn to deal with these impromptu situations, the pressure of being constantly available is not so much to my liking, and I am doubting that "Study Abroad Program Director" will stay high on my list of desired job titles.

One thing I do not like about growing up: the constant paradox of wanting more responsibility, moving up in the world, but at the same time feeling a desire to go back to having no responsibility, and simply rely on others.

Why is it always that when you know you're leaving a place, and your days are numbered, that then and ONLY then do you start doing all the things you've been meaning to do for so long. By next Wednesday, I will have seen all my friends made this year to say goodbye, gone out dancing, made NEW friends, and basically have a brand new social life. Only to leave. I can't say I haven't taken advantage of France this year, I've seen and done a lot. But I've also watched many online episodes of Grey's Anatomy, which is time I'm sure could have been spent doing something more enriching, more cultural. The sadness of this activity is compounded by the fact that my housemate Katherine has gone, leaving me to make fun of Derek and Meredith all by my lonesome, i.e. TV is no longer a group activity. To be honest, I haven't watched a single GA without her, it wasn't worth it. I've started looking for more French movies and shows, of course NOW, now that I'm leaving.

And I've also decided that yes, of course I want to live in France! It's so much better here! The markets, the food! The tranquil lifestyle! The countryside! The language! It's so obvious!
Let's wait until my first cup of medium coffee at Espresso Royale or Gimme Coffee when I get home and see how I feel then.

In the meantime, seeking: attractive, funny Frenchman living in Boston who also owns a house in Dijon, and who wants to live between the US and France. Preferably rich enough to afford many first-class plane tickets. I'll be in Boston, starting over yet again, waiting for you.